Final...

__Parte Uno__

__Casablanca: Let's Pretend to be Cultured__ Allow me to impart on you just exactly why Casablanca, directed by MICHAEL CURTIZ, is undoubtedly the most impactful, and the most important, piece of film which our beady little eyes observed in this class. Nay, I dare to claim that Casablanca is the most important movie in the entire world, and it's watching should surely be compulsory for citizenship in these United States. You may be saying: "Why sir! Such strong claims you make! Surely you cannot support such wild opinions!" Well, perhaps not to such an exaggerated extent, but I'll try to come close. The exact reason for Casablanca's importance is simple, and it is such: if you can (at least pretend to) acquire a taste for the movie, and subsequently reference the movie repeatedly in day to day conversation, you give off the appearance (no matter how false) that you are a worldly and cultured film connoisseur. Just this movie. Nothing else. Not a single person will dare question the sanctity of your Casablanca references. IN FACT, you may even go so far as to say that could skip watching the movie altogether (although this I would not recomend, it is in fact a good movie despite the overwhelming sarcasm) and just use this handy dandy guide to Casablanca, produced by HAL B. WALLIS. First of, this movie has HUMPHREY BOGART in it. He portrays the character of "Rick", though I hold fast to my firm belief that this extremely manly and intensely badass character is not so much a character, as it it merely HUMPHREY BOGART just going about his typical day to day tasks, saying his ultimately badass things. It is understood that the only appropriate response to every situation is "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Why? Emotions are out of place in Casablanca, which can only be a metaphor for Bogart's icy cool hyper-masculine heart. Perhaps, to honor our favorite mega macho character, the only appropriate setting for viewing this movie is sitting alone in the dark, with only the company of a bottle of undisclosed beverage (80 proof minimum requirement) and a harsh cigarette to cool your nerves. This movie also has Nazis, one of which, Major Strasser, is depicted by CONRAD VEIDT. That pretty much makes a movie. In the wise words of Dr. Indiana Jones: "Nazis! I hate these guys!" Who the hell doesn't? Throw some antagonists in a movie, call them Nazis, boom, instantly the audience is guaranteed to despise them with no questions asked. Especially that dastardly Renault, all up in Rick's business, trying to keep those rascly Nazi-hating-Vichy-France-liberating revolutionaries from leaving the cesspool that is Casablanca. GET THE PAPERS! WHO HAS THE PAPERS? WHO ME? YES YOU! COULDN'T BE! THEN WHO? Although I think the most credit goes to the esteemed and note-worthy writers of this fine piece of filmography by the EPSTEIN BROS: JULIUS J. EPSTEIN, and PHILIP G. EPSTEIN. The thing is, this is one of those movies that has something for everybody. If you're a lover of lovely loving love, rejoice, for this movie is chock full. The former love affair (and obvious sexual tension) between Ilsa and Rick may be worthy of it's own movie. However rejoice even further, for the fun does not cease there.There are guns. Guns always make a good movie. Shooting, violence, running from both of these things, good stuff right there. The makings of an exciting movie. World War II buffs will go nutty over the historical context. Hey, even if your're a Nazi I'm sure you can identify with your brothers. See? Something for everybody.

__Parte Dos__